Goodnight stars, goodnight moon
May I see you up close soon
For I know the Heaven is close
The winds whispers to me as it blows
So now I lay here in my bed
A world of wonders fills my head
Rainbow skies and morning dew
Or will it be something new
Heaven, heaven up above
Watch over the ones I love
May they feel loved in every way
For I must now go far away
When my mom died she had a letter prepared for me that would lift my spirits up and let me know that I was loved and wanted. This poem was on the last page of her letter. She used to tell me a story every night before bed, about the stars and the moon. About how one little lonely star had fallen in love with the moon, but it wasn't meant to be. I'll type it down at a later time. Reading these words though just made me feel like a little piece of my broken heart is ok now. I still miss my mom, a lot. Sometimes I still call her cell phone, ready to tell her about my day at work. I don't know if that's pathetic or not. Is it?
I just forget sometimes, that she's dead. Wow, dead. That's a really final word, isn't it? It's like an ending to a book. Well, that's kind of what it is. Her book is over, but not exactly. It goes on through me and my life. And then my children.
So readers, or future readers- Who important to you has died in your life and made you question your every being? If not anyone, have you had the chance to think about who you really are?
Stars
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Day Two-ish: Rise of the Brocalypse.
So work last night was super, duper, amazingly, UGH. I made decent money, don't get me wrong, but ALL the food I handled made me want to just down some pasta like the good little Italian girl my grandmother raised me to be. She still sends me a letter every year on my birthday asking when I'm going to stop being so skinny, live with her, and have babies. I love you Grandma.
People and ranch nowadays have a twisted relationship. Did you know that most restaurants make their ranch in house? Yea, neat fact. WRONG. We make it with a dried seasoning packet, gallons of mayo, and gallons of buttermilk. I mean, I like mayo, but the amount we use is ridiculous!! I can no longer look at ranch the same way ever again. But the hard part of my job is I see people downing ranch like it's air! No joke- I once had a table who ordered 12 2oz containers of ranch for 6 salads. Then, when their food was ready they had me bring out 4 more of those 2oz containers. Not 3 minutes later they called me to the table and behold!-they were out of ranch. So, being the good waitress I am, I brought them out not one, but 2 full bowls of ranch. Now, these bowls hold up to 8oz of liquid. So this family was getting an additional 16oz of ranch. 16oz!!! Well, finally my manager had me charge them for their copious amount of ranch. I want to say it was only .79, but when I dropped their check, the family was outraged. They refused to talk to me and DEMANDED to speak to my manager. When my manager got to their table, it was on. She informed them that since their table had used more than a bottle of ranch from the grocery store, we had to charge them. The table hemmed and hawed and complained that their food was all dry and gross, and that they dipped it in ranch to even stomach it. And the the best thing happened. My manager asked them why they didn't tell me about thier food problems. She let them know that I would have been more than happy to help them and get them a nicer meal. Th leader of the table stood up, THREW her napkin at my manager and declared that they weren't paying for this service. My manager smiled, pointed at the front of the restaurant and let them immediately know that there were two uniformed police officers that were just itching to fill the back of their cars. The leader huffily threw down her credit card, packed all of the leftover ranch, and left. She left me a pretty decent tip, thank God. But it just goes to show- Ranch is not worth it.
But last night was a good night. The only thing I ate was a garden salad with chicken (balsamic vinaigrette anyone- all natural), and a grapefruit. I only drank water to keep myself hydrated. Almost peed on myself twice.
My question to my readers, if there are any- What do you hate about people's eating habits? My answer would be that we need sauces to go with everything!
:
;
People and ranch nowadays have a twisted relationship. Did you know that most restaurants make their ranch in house? Yea, neat fact. WRONG. We make it with a dried seasoning packet, gallons of mayo, and gallons of buttermilk. I mean, I like mayo, but the amount we use is ridiculous!! I can no longer look at ranch the same way ever again. But the hard part of my job is I see people downing ranch like it's air! No joke- I once had a table who ordered 12 2oz containers of ranch for 6 salads. Then, when their food was ready they had me bring out 4 more of those 2oz containers. Not 3 minutes later they called me to the table and behold!-they were out of ranch. So, being the good waitress I am, I brought them out not one, but 2 full bowls of ranch. Now, these bowls hold up to 8oz of liquid. So this family was getting an additional 16oz of ranch. 16oz!!! Well, finally my manager had me charge them for their copious amount of ranch. I want to say it was only .79, but when I dropped their check, the family was outraged. They refused to talk to me and DEMANDED to speak to my manager. When my manager got to their table, it was on. She informed them that since their table had used more than a bottle of ranch from the grocery store, we had to charge them. The table hemmed and hawed and complained that their food was all dry and gross, and that they dipped it in ranch to even stomach it. And the the best thing happened. My manager asked them why they didn't tell me about thier food problems. She let them know that I would have been more than happy to help them and get them a nicer meal. Th leader of the table stood up, THREW her napkin at my manager and declared that they weren't paying for this service. My manager smiled, pointed at the front of the restaurant and let them immediately know that there were two uniformed police officers that were just itching to fill the back of their cars. The leader huffily threw down her credit card, packed all of the leftover ranch, and left. She left me a pretty decent tip, thank God. But it just goes to show- Ranch is not worth it.
But last night was a good night. The only thing I ate was a garden salad with chicken (balsamic vinaigrette anyone- all natural), and a grapefruit. I only drank water to keep myself hydrated. Almost peed on myself twice.
My question to my readers, if there are any- What do you hate about people's eating habits? My answer would be that we need sauces to go with everything!
:
;
Friday, April 5, 2013
The First Of Many
I would like this blog to remain as anonymous as possible. It's really just to share the journey that I'm about to embark on.
I've been fat for a while now. And yes, I say fat because I'm fat. Not 'big boned', or 'medical problems'. I did this to myself, not it's up to me to get myself out of it. I long to wear a sundress and not have to worry about how it fits, or if it'll show my arms. I WANT TO BURN MY JACKET, the one that I hide under to make myself feel better.
So from here on out these are the things I'm cutting out of my life:
1. Soda
2. Candy of ANY KIND
3. Ice Cream
4. Most meats (expect chicken and seafood)
5. Fried everything
6. Fast Food
Now the hard part of this is that I'm a server at a popular world wide chain restaurant. It'll be the biggest temptation to not grab a fry out of the kitchen or a bowl of soup after my shift. But we do have an excellent, healthy chicken salad that I can have with oil & vinegar. Yummm.
So now we get to the personal part. How much do I weigh? A lot. 320 pounds give or take some. I haven't exactly weighed myself in a while because I'm so ashamed. And feeling that way makes me eat.... which makes me gain weight!! It's a never ending cycle of feelings, hunger, and guilt!!! And my stop is now! I'm leaving this train wreck and making a new start for myself. I'm 21 years old and it's time for a rebirth- a new me.
My mom really wanted to see me as a healthier individual before she died. I'm so sorry mom, that I never could show you my will power. I love you.
-V
“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
― Shel Silverstein
I've been fat for a while now. And yes, I say fat because I'm fat. Not 'big boned', or 'medical problems'. I did this to myself, not it's up to me to get myself out of it. I long to wear a sundress and not have to worry about how it fits, or if it'll show my arms. I WANT TO BURN MY JACKET, the one that I hide under to make myself feel better.
So from here on out these are the things I'm cutting out of my life:
1. Soda
2. Candy of ANY KIND
3. Ice Cream
4. Most meats (expect chicken and seafood)
5. Fried everything
6. Fast Food
Now the hard part of this is that I'm a server at a popular world wide chain restaurant. It'll be the biggest temptation to not grab a fry out of the kitchen or a bowl of soup after my shift. But we do have an excellent, healthy chicken salad that I can have with oil & vinegar. Yummm.
So now we get to the personal part. How much do I weigh? A lot. 320 pounds give or take some. I haven't exactly weighed myself in a while because I'm so ashamed. And feeling that way makes me eat.... which makes me gain weight!! It's a never ending cycle of feelings, hunger, and guilt!!! And my stop is now! I'm leaving this train wreck and making a new start for myself. I'm 21 years old and it's time for a rebirth- a new me.
My mom really wanted to see me as a healthier individual before she died. I'm so sorry mom, that I never could show you my will power. I love you.
-V
“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
― Shel Silverstein
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